Chickenwing!

I think my main problem had always been that I’ve always focused on the odd things out of place, instead of the big picture. For example, I’ve always brooded over nia not talking to me, when I have so many friends who are willing to go out and screw around with me. I have family, money, education, friends and a roof over my head. Yet I still complain and whine like some pussy girl, instead on focusing and appreciating all the small things I have in life. I’m basically a bitter old fart, and until I learn focus, I’ll always be like that.

Okay you know what? Fuck it rofl. I’m done with doing things for people. I’m done with trying to always try to be there for people like Nia. What’s the point? 3 weeks later and she’s suddenly just sian of me again, whoo! 

Time to forget the past. Time to forget you.

Existential crisis!

I do believe I’ve just spent roughly 90% of my savings on other people. Is that what saner people should be doing? 

And in the back of my head, I wonder if I do these things for other people because I want the attention, or because I simply like giving things to other people and having them rely on me.

Dododo. Why does this always happen when I get fever?

Wheee!

I JUST WANT MY FRIEND BACK.

AUGH

One of those days where dying really seems easier haha.

So I’ve come to another strange conclusion. 

That I’m a kid at heart. I’ve always liked just screwing around and being irresponsible, getting hyperactive and jumping up and down. Clinging onto fictional parents and siblings has been part of my highschool life for a while, which is why letting them go has been more difficult then I’ve thought. Even now I’m still talking to my fictional twin sister, although my mother has stopped most contact altogether. 

But in the end, every kid must grow up no? Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll be dependant on things around me forever, or maybe I’ll learn to let things go. But the fact of the matter is, right now I’m really just still a kid, not so much a man or a guy. Just a little kid trying to have some fun.

AND LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Let it go.